Holidays

Feeling a little overwhelmed at the thought that December starts in just two days! We have family coming from out of state to be here for the holidays, and are housing at least one person for a weekend, as well as mostly serving as a home base for holiday gatherings with Dominic's family. My house is messy, my decorations aren't even in our house yet, let alone put up, I'm behind on my album I was putting together, since I ran out of adhesive and don't have any money for more. I just don't know where to start. I want this December to be great and I want my boys to have a lot of fun, but I don't know how I am going to balance getting the house clean, doing fun activities with the boys every day, and trying to raise money for our Christmas fund. I want everything to be great, but it all pretty much falls on my shoulders alone.

I am so not used to this practically being a single parent thing. Dominic used to be around a lot more, and he would help when I was feeling overwhelmed or under the weather. Now he's gone ALL THE TIME, and I have to do everything for myself. It's hard running a household by yourself, especially when small children are involved.

Lately I just feel like I am running on empty, not getting enough time to do the things I would like to do in favor of having to use all my energy trying to catch up. It makes me even less likely to do the things I need to do, as it all is just piling up with no outlet. I can't scrapbook because I have no money for adhesive. I can't go out with friends because I have no money for food or a movie, let alone for a babysitter, since Dom is gone so often.

I don't know how to get out of this funk.

Anyway....

This Holiday season I really want to focus on experiences, doing things together as a family, experiencing local traditions, and enjoying each others company. Dominic may be getting a part-time job for the holidays, but if he doesn't it will be especially important to do things together, as we don't get family time very often anymore. I want my home to be clean and peaceful, so we can welcome guests. I don't want to feel stressed about getting things cleaned, or having time to clean AND do activities. I just want everything to fall into place so that we can enjoy. I want to have time to laugh and reflect and enjoy instead of being the one who has to make everything work out. I want a break! That's really what I want, a month where I am not loaded with responsibilities so that I can enjoy my little boys.

I think to accomplish this we need to spend more time in the mornings cleaning up, so the rest of the day can be spent enjoying the season and shuttling about and then we can come home to a nice clean apartment and not feel stressed the second we come home. The fact that we are planning on spending a lot of time out and doing things will make keeping the house clean easier if we can manage to get it clean in the first place.